One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned in my career is this: learn to call people out. No matter what’s bothering you, addressing it head-on will save you from unnecessary drama and wasted time. More importantly, it will help you remove people and situations from your life that should never have been there in the first place.
As someone with an Italian background, I grew up in a culture that prioritizes pleasing others and avoiding conflict. For years, I carried on tolerating BS in my professional life. But here’s the truth: pleasing people at the expense of your own health is a recipe for frustration and failure.
Let me share a few hard-earned lessons.
The Price of Avoidance
Over the last decade, I tolerated far too much. I stayed silent in situations where I should have spoken up, and that silence came at a cost:
The Colleague with Bad Habits
I once worked with a colleague who had persistently bad breath from chain-smoking. It wasn’t just unpleasant, it became a metaphor for everything else he brought into the workspace: dishonesty, manipulation, and a complete disregard for others. I avoided calling him out because I feared offending him. In hindsight, my silence allowed a toxic presence to linger far longer than it should have.
The Wall Street Bully
Another time, I put up with a so-called expert from Wall Street who frequently unleashed verbal abuse on everyone around him. He called me a crying baby when I complained about his temper, or said things like..get your shit together when he thought I wasn’t aggressive enough. His outbursts were demoralizing and stifled the team’s productivity. I should have called him out for his behavior and drawn a line. Instead, I let his arrogance fester, costing everyone valuable time and energy.
The Egotistical Underperformer
Perhaps the most damaging were the emotionally volatile individuals who overpromised and underdelivered. Their egos allowed them to dominate situations despite their lack of contribution. I knew they were failing to deliver, but I hesitated to say, “You’re not meeting expectations, and it’s time for you to go.”
Why Calling People Out Matters
When you fail to address shortcomings, lies, or abuses of power, you’re enabling those behaviors to continue. Worse, you’re sending a message to yourself that your boundaries don’t matter.
Calling people out isn’t about being cruel or confrontational; it’s about:
- Protecting Your Time and Energy: Every moment spent dealing with toxic individuals is time taken away from your goals and vision.
- Setting Standards: Your tolerance level defines your standards. If you tolerate mediocrity, dishonesty, or abuse, that’s what you’ll attract.
- Building a Stronger Network: Removing the wrong people makes space for the right ones.
Silence as a Powerful Tool
While calling people out is essential, there’s another equally important skill: knowing when to stay silent. Not every email, text, or message deserves a response. Silence can be a powerful way to signal disinterest, disapproval, or finality.
It’s a way of saying, “This doesn’t align with my values, so I’m not engaging.”
Remember, what you don’t do is often more important than what you do. Use silence strategically to reinforce your boundaries and protect your focus.
How to Call People Out Effectively
- Be Direct but Respectful
State the issue clearly and calmly. Avoid personal attacks; focus on the behavior.
Example: “I noticed that the task wasn’t completed on time. Can you explain what happened?” - Focus on Facts
Base your feedback on observable actions, not assumptions or emotions.
Example: “You’ve missed three deadlines this month, which has delayed the project. This needs to change.” - Set Clear Expectations
Let the person know what needs to happen moving forward.
Example: “If this behavior continues, we’ll need to reevaluate your role on the team.” - Follow Through
If someone doesn’t change or respect your boundaries, take action. Whether it’s ending a professional relationship or delegating tasks to someone else, don’t hesitate to follow through on your word.
Final Thoughts
As an entrepreneur, your time, energy, and focus are your most valuable resources. Don’t waste them on people or situations that don’t deserve your attention. Learn to call people out when necessary, and don’t be afraid to use silence as a tool for setting boundaries. When you stop tolerating nonsense, your life and career will align with your true vision.
Books
- “Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity” by Kim Scott
- This book dives deep into how to communicate directly and effectively, balancing honesty with care. It’s a great guide for anyone looking to improve their ability to give feedback and call people out constructively.
- “Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.” by Brené Brown
- Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of courage and vulnerability in leadership, including how to handle difficult conversations with clarity and kindness.
- “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
- This classic guide provides actionable techniques for addressing difficult situations, fostering dialogue, and achieving positive outcomes even in high-stakes conversations.
- “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
- A foundational read for understanding why boundaries are crucial and how to set them in all areas of your life.